You might find my choice of words, CareGivers ScareTakers, interesting.
Caregiver: a person who gives direct care to a client who needs assistance.
Caretaker: I’m reinventing this word. For our purposes, it refers to someone caring for a client who manipulates the client’s mind and money, and attempts to influence family, friends and other caregivers.
Can be One and the Same, can’t it?
More than 40 million Americans are providing some type of care for an older relative. Even if you are currently in sound physical and mental health, at some point, you are likely to need extra care whether you are living on your own or already in assisted living. It is important that you and your adult children understand what caregiving entails, from hiring and working with caregivers, whether you’re finding people on your own or working with an agency to managing paperwork for insurance or medical care. At what point do you determine that you may need assistance?
AVOID FAMILY FIREWORKS!
What can be done? Ideally, you want to have a frank discussion with your family while minds are still clear. All the family should be present, even if by Skype. If you don’t have a sibling, have a mutual friend or someone familiar to your family with you when you have the conversation. This person will serve as a comfort for both of you and as a witness.
Some adult children and seniors find it very difficult to discuss the “golden years”. Now, some are calling it the “rusty years”! This website will offer stories that illustrate different situations that have arisen because of a lack of communication, misunderstandings and fraudulent caregivers…and offer solutions.
Exposing the fraudsters & manipulators, and helping YOU to protect your loved ones.
I started this website because of my forthcoming book that will share my and other “adult children’s” personal challenges and horrific situations that have occurred. I hope that this serves as a gateway of communication between you and your family. I want you to avoid or overcome the difficulties that I and others have experienced. I am not alone, and neither are you. In fact, many of us come from dysfunctional families, and it is up to us to help one another on our journey with our loved ones during their golden years.
In, CareGivers ScareTakers, there are many fraudulent situations experienced by me and others to overcome and Avoid!
THEY ARE ALL TRUE!
Here are just a few true stories involving manipulation of seniors.
“Hoochie Mamma” was one of three caregivers for a senior man. She wore short shorts and low-cut tops, took the client to casinos and helped him lose his nest egg. All the time enjoying herself and his money. He is now in a rest home being paid for by medicaid.
SENIOR VICTIM OF MANY SCAMS
Jamaican Sweepstakes scams, Las Vegas Sweepstakes scams, asphalt pavement scammers, roofing scammers, tree triming scammers and more! This wealthy very trusting senior man was a victim of all. His daughter finally got it stopped after more than $150,000 disappeared.
DHS REMOVES ELDERLY MOTHER FROM HER HOME
A very mildly demented woman got into a disagreement with her caregiver. The caregiver called Dept. of Human Services (DHS) telling them that her client had been abandoned by her family, and that she was incompetent. DHS removed her from her home without contacting the woman’s three sons, who were all successful businessmen living out of state. They had to hire an attorney to help them get their mother released from DHS through the court system. It cost them thousands of $$$.
Questions/Tips To Consider When Hiring a Caregiver & Brief Questions to Prepare for Your Sunset Years
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ARE YOU ALONE?
As you’re reading about these horrible experiences, you may say that these incidents could never happen to you. Well, I could have never imagined it! There’s no guarantee that a caregiver will not “turn on you” or defraud you or that you are isolated from scams.
Just because you are coherent and getting along well doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be wearing a life alert. What if you are living alone and have a stroke? Your phone is on the counter while you are lying on the floor?
Just because you seem to have everything “under control,” yet there are hospital visits and your house is very cluttered… who is to determine that “everything is ok”?
IS EVERYTHING REALLY OK?
There needs to be an open discussion of physical aspects including the home and transportation. There needs to be an open discussion of legal issues such as a power of attorney (POA), do not resuscitate (DNR), living will, and other matters related to estate planning. There needs to be an open discussion of financial aspects. Is there a will and a trust? Is there a “payable on death” (POD) on the financial accounts?
If any of these items are not addressed, someone else or the government can suddenly become involved in YOUR family’s affairs. This website and forthcoming book is aimed at helping your family begin a conversation regarding your state of affairs and potential threats.
YOUR FAMILY’S AFFAIRS
This is not a clinical, legal, or financial website. This is a website to offer a collection of real-life, true anecdotes that did happen but are frequently only exposed in courtrooms and behind closed doors. Hopefully this website will raise the awareness of both seniors and adult children to encourage these critical and essential discussions about qualified personal care for your loved ones, where the care will be provided and how other essential medical, financial and legal decisions will be made. I encourage you, the responsible person, to understand that someone must be an advocate and WATCHDOG!
I would love to hear YOUR stories
Don’t take our word for it – here’s what OTHERS say:
DHS IGNORED THE DIRE SITUATION OF AN ELDERLY MOTHER
One never knows what DHS is going to do. It so heavily depends upon the agent whose attention you have or do not have. My Mom was living in a roach infested old house with almost no food when DHS came knocking at my request because I lived many miles away and did not have the resources to get there. She, as many elderly do, rallied just enough that the agent did not perceive the extent of her dementia. He allowed her to stay in her home with no help and basically ignored the whole situation. When I got there, I had her committed into a home where she was taken care of. The authorities were of little help.
A DAUGHTER LIVING WITH HER MOM DEPLETES HER ESTATE
A daughter living with her mother systematically depleted her mother’s estate by coercing her to fund various unsuccessful ventures. This went on for many years depleting a very large estate. The remaining family members are considering legal action to stop the carnage.
NEPHEW REMOVED FROM WILL
A son of one of two sisters retired to his home town to take care of his aging mother and her sister, his aunt. The two sisters had a friend/caregiver who became a huge influence over them. Through her influence, she persuaded the sisters to change their will and leave their money to a local charity and completely exclude the rightful heir.
Mom floated away from this world in 2017 after having lived a long active life raising a family, mostly as a single mom, and working in politics. Her journey downhill began with colon cancer, then breast cancer. Colon cancer returned, caregivers were hired, hospice was engaged and her daughter and daughter in law attended to her needs everyday. We had no real idea of her assets and she was very guarded about her future and prognosis, which was dire. She lived, with continuous care, for nearly six months. While we had a generally pleasant relationship with her, as did the rest of the family, wouldn’t it have been wonderful if she had helped us plan for her aftermath instead of the wild goose chase that poor communication caused? We loved her, but she is gone and we were left to figure out her estate.
WE LOVE BLOGGING
Latest from Our Blog
As time passes and I have more material from YOU, our readers, we will post real life stories about what is happening to YOU! Of, course, names will be changed and identities protected.
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Browse our Resources page for more help in dealing with your situation.
Together we can put a stop to eldery and family abuse from treacherous caretakers!
Caring.com – Resources for Senior Care
Care for All You Love – Find a CareGiver
Zen Caregiving Project – Better Caregiving Through Mindfulness
Mayo Clinic – Caring for the Elderly: Dealing with Resistance
A Place For Mom – Connecting Families to Senior Living
Family Caregiver Alliance (FCA) – National Center on Caregiving
End of Life University – Real Talk About Life and Death
Lantern – How to Navigate Your Life Before and After a Death.
National Institute on Aging – The Science of Healthy Aging
Health Affairs Blog – The Humanity In End-Of-Life Care
Hospice Doctor’s Widow Book – My Journey from Heartache to Helpful
Paying For Senior Care – Understand your Financial Options for Long Term Care
Five Wishes – Advance Care Planning
CareGivers ScareTakers Facebook – Senior Care Stories
Stand Up For Care Givers – Care Giver Support Resources
CONNECT WITH US
We invite you to share your stories with us. Your stories will help us spread the word about the pitfalls of hiring strangers to care for your loved ones or YOU!